Month: September, 2014

Finally here

Right. I am now at Uni. I have arrived and enrolled and registered and paid and all of that. I have met new people and it is all a very daunting experience. I am not sure of what to say or how to say it or how to act. “Just be yourself”, I suppose but how can you fully be yourself when you are not sure of how you are as a person? We all come from so different backgrounds and have all been slammed together in what they refer to as “Orientation Week”. There is such a clash from my previous experiences. There is alcohol and 19-year olds and some bad confidence from time to time but over all it is good. There is rain and sun and cold cold nights where I curl up under my blankets. There is an air of constant confusion and bad organisation and all the time you get lost since campus is big and labyrinth-like. There are long walks to nearby Tesco’s to buy essentials (soup, porridge oats, milk and apples) together with newly found friends, trying to take them in as you walk on side by side. There are plans for tomorrow and a never-ending stream of unfamiliar faces.


The point of no return

This is the point of no return. Even if I would like to change my mind I can’t. Two days from now I will wake up somewhere else, somewhere different. It all feels too daunting and I feel tiny tiny. Tiny in a me-against-the-world kind of way.


2 days



Goodbye hugs and goodbye dinners. Goodbye waves and a single goodbye tear that trickles down my cheek as I say goodbye to my very best friend. Some part deep inside of me wonders why on Earth I have to move so far away.

I just love reading in cafés while secretly listening to people’s conversations



Election night

It is a dark night in Gävle, Sweden. Autumn leaves crunch underneath the wheels of my bike as I peddle home. It is getting colder. My white fingers are grasping the handlebars.

Inside the flats and houses TV screens are flickering. White faces and aching fluttering nervous worried hearts pumping.
Election night.

As I cycle past the guildhall the bell strikes 11. Long, dark, sinister tolls.

The moon is bright with a ring of mist around it. It is getting colder.

I pass a group of young girls. One of them is upset. “DON’T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHAT’S BEHIND THEIR PARTY POLITICS? YOU CAN’T LET ALL BASTARDS VOTE! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DO THAT!” There are anger-tears in her voice and her arms hang low in resignation.

I cross the main square. On either side the election huts heap up.Tomorrow they will be gone and Sweden will have a new government where a party having an underlying racist ideology of the hidden, most dangerous kind, can act as weighers.

At the election party the party leader addresses his voters as “Friends of Sweden”. He says that the current streams of immigration splits Sweden and its citizens into smaller parts.

But it is him and his voters that split Sweden, cutting her open into a fresh. bleeding wound.



“You are strongly advised to read The Iliad prior to coming to the University in September”


I get up too early and go to bed too late, 24 hours a day are not enough for me. I want to read and see my friends and take long walks and draw and work and paint and eat and drink and last of all sleep.


I oscillate between excitement and fear. At the moment it is fear.

The foot-picture is a bit like a selfie but for shy people

IMG_7177_editedAm i shy?


Today I have been given an offer for accommodation and accepted it. For once I have actually read the Terms & Conditions since it feels like an important thing to do. I have via Facebook seen names and faces of people that will be my neighbours. My 258 neighbours that will live in the same block of flats as me on campus. It is all becoming more and more real (14 days to go) but I just cannot grasp it. It is the oddest feeling knowing that you are leaving home for a new country. Unreal to the point of being unimaginable and therefore I do not know what to expect and therefore realisation hesitates.