Month: September, 2015

(in connection to my previous post)

Ps. Don’t they say that there is always something special about your first love? I sure know that he is very special to me which ought to mean that he was very special to her and she very special to him. The first one he kissed, for example. Ds.


Social Media and the impact it has on my emotional life

I wake up but lie in bed for a while checking instagram. I find the account of my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend and of his sister. None of them are private accounts. I know that he is not interested in his ex anymore – she is an ex for a reason, right? – and that he was the one that broke up with her but still I find it fascinating (?) that he has liked someone else in a similar way to how he likes me now. I look at her pictures. Most of them are from Paris, semi-arty and not very interesting. There are no pictures of her and she is only tagged in one where she is wearing a flowery dress and an ugly coat. She hasn’t uploaded anything in 23 weeks. For my general well-being it is good. For my curiosity it is bad.

I cannot help but compare myself to her. I come to the conclusion that she is probably cooler than I am and less annoying and doesn’t cry as much but at the same time I tell myself that I am a lot prettier than her. And funnier. And for some reason the fact that I am skinnier than her makes me happy although it probably means that she’s got bigger boobs than me. But then again, I am a vegan just like him and what they had was just a six form fling. It just pains me to see pictures on facebook where he has his arm around her or looks at her in a loving way. There is also the thing that they have a common past – same neighbourhood, same school, same friends and similar experiences. He was her first everything (I think) and now he is my first everything. I am his second. However, being second might actually not be a bad thing. (He told me none of them really got to the stage where they enjoyed sex with one another).

His sister’s account shows pictures of her where she smiles a lot. Even though she is three years younger than I am I have always felt a bit intimidated by her. Because I’m not British and not from London and I don’t know how it goes sort of. Her account makes me feel less intimidated. I think that she is going through a teenage phase where the way she acts at home is very teenagerly while outwardly towards friends and other non-family members she is a little bit different. In fact I think that she is a very sweet person. Just a bit troubled by teenage-hood and light depressions. Her instagram also shows her weightgain. In a year she has put on quite a bit. Just from when I first met her last Christmas she has put on a bit. Not in a way that she is fat or anything but I understand what my boyfriend means when he says that she has gone a little bit flabby and that he worries she will try to get rid of the extra weight by not eating.