tooartytoparty

Month: November, 2016

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There is just so much pain in the world today and I really really hope that love will trump hate.

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20

I’ve turned 20 now and have to admit that my first week as a twenty-year-old was very similar to my last week as a nineteen-year-old. Minus the fact that I don’t have a birthday to look forward to any longer. As usual, getting older doesn’t make you feel different in any way but at the same time I can feel myself moving further and further away from my 16/17-year-old self. I like the person I was then. I was no-nonsense and I got by on my own, didn’t really think too much about what others thought of me, rarely cried and was waiting with suspense for the day when I would get my first kiss. I did quite well at school, I thought I didn’t have much time to see my friends but in comparison with now I had loads of time. I took a lot of photographs, spent the weekend nights up alone late doodling and wrote things down in my diary almost everyday. I felt grown up because I was drinking coffee. I was looking forward to the future and to move away from home but it was still far enough away in the future to be too exciting or too scary. Sometimes I miss the old version of me.

It is a little bit scary to be twenty but I feel like I’m in good company. Twenty is when it all happens. Like the stuff that matters. Growing up (or maybe just growing old). Graduation, career, buying houses, having serious relationships = real life, or something like that. Gaaaah.

I mostly wonder if it is part of being 20 to feel that I just want to spend all my time in bed with my boyfriend and never get up other than shuffling down the stairs to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee before I crawl back into bed again?