12th May

by Rebecca

I just need to write something here for once. Because I never write these days. Apart from the 5000×2 and the 2500 word essays I handed in last week. All due on the same day and I wonder why my department does that? And also how it can be ok to have most of my assessment for this entire year due within the space of a month. In that sense May is a horrible month.

On the other hand the weather is becoming nicer and warmer and soon, soon, soon, soon, soon I will be DONE WITH UNIVERSITY. But, as one of my friends said: A lot lies between then and now.

And he is right. I have substantial amounts of studying to get through. Numerous Shakespeare plays to refresh and reread, a lot of theory to familiarise myself with before my Literary and Cultural Theory exam, and several plays + secondary readings to find for my European Theatre exam in 12 days time. It is all very stressful. Sometimes I struggle to get to sleep at night and I am tired every morning when I wake up.

The thought of the future kind of scares me. This is the first time in my life where I have finished something without having a clear plan of what is going to happen on the other side of what I am doing now. The answer has hitherto always been: more studying. I need a break from that now. I need to write and read what I want to write and read and not live under the constant pressure to perform well. It is mostly a pressure I put myself under I think so I should really be able to overcome it but hey nevermind. Not now. I just drink more coffee instead.